in the wee hours
even the pen can betray
Freud me to death, please

Valentine's Day Afterthoughts

Perhaps it was the uncharacteristic downpour (verses a customary mizzle) this past weekend, but the recent holiday of love/hate/spite was particularly pervasive. I was surprised how many of my friends and acquaintances (read: Facebook friends) were affected.

• Many folks were avoiding leaving their homes, or avoiding all people in general, as if going to hang at the neighborhood bar would infect the plague.
• Others were scrambling for plans. Omfg please don't leave me alone! I don't want to be Lonely.
• Yet simultaneously an unwillingness to commit to anything solid... just in case.
• The absurdity of watching the over analysis of otherwise platonic social invitations.
• Random outcries of hate! And desire! And more hate!

I ended up with a motley group of friends, single and not, drinking the blanket anxiety away and making whiskey-fueled merriment. As for me, I was happy to be single. This time last year was rough. Constant fighting with my then partner, and I'd been recently laid off. A breakup followed shortly thereafter. Frolicking in the land of free and clear dating has been a welcome change to the many years of long term relationship. What's the big deal? Sure, it'd be nice to fall asleep in a pair of cuddly arms, but I was perfectly happy spending another night in an empty bed, same as any other night. It was kind of comforting really. I kept my mouth shut, knowing I'd be very unpopular otherwise.

Walking home alone that evening a Whitney Houston song popped into my head, one of my first favorite songs around age 5. It seemed to sum up well, everything really. A very happy-go-lucky dance song whose beat urges the listener to bop and smile, but delineating the woes of loneliness, heartbreak, and longing at the same time was exactly the smiling-through-gritted-teeth-slash-tears that filled the air of the pub all night.

I laughed out loud at the thought, secret shimmying down a wet alley and looking around, half hoping someone heard me so I could share the small, giddy revelation. (Music Nerd Sidenote: I Wanna Dance With Somebody is pretty much the 1986 version of I Don't Feel Like Dancing by the Scissor Sisters. Just sayin'.)

So when the night falls/My lonely heart calls...

Now you've done it!

Hooray! I've finally started a public blog, just like I always said I would.


I've been sitting at the same internet cafe for about 7 hours now. My bum is half asleep, I'm highly caffeinated, and I'm maybe about to witness another round of barista shifts end. Life is absurd and satisfying.


A few random items:

• I am highly curious to see what the folks out there in internet land do with YouTube Doubler. So far it seems that pairing a crazy rant with hip hop beats or silly mid-90's songs is highly amusing.The possibilities are endless!
• A teenager at the table next to me just asked her friends, "Who is Peewee Herman?" My eyes grew wide and I'm glad I managed to not gasp aloud. Don't these kids watch VH1's I Love the 80's? Le sigh.
• "Tom's Diner" by Suzane Vega is even creepier a Capella.

Tonight I drink to The Blank Page.